I Can Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna Ph.D

Author:Paul McKenna, Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House, Inc.
Published: 2016-10-21T16:00:00+00:00

Sex with Your Ex

Sometimes it goes further. Your ex tries to sleep with you. They don’t want to get back together with you, they just want sex. Sex with your ex is never simple. Sex is a very powerful force. It bypasses the rationalizations and promises of the conscious mind and affects your emotions directly. Don’t underestimate it.

Sexual attraction can be used to wield power. It can be used to control people. Anger, suffering, and revenge can be expressed through sex. Some people hide from the complexity of their feelings by throwing themselves into the sensations of sex.

Not all sex is loving (and, just as importantly, not all loving is sexual). If you are heartbroken, it is your heart that needs healing, not your lust. Hard though it may be, it is worth refraining from sex with your ex. One question can help you both do that. Ask yourself, “Is sex all I want?”

If sex is all you want, your ex is not the best person to get it from. Remember one of you is heartbroken, so the chances are that your ex doesn’t feel the same way. They are about to spring a whole load of complications on you. If you just want sex, then both of you will get simple sex far more easily with someone else.

If sex is not all you want, what else do you want? If it is control, or an expression of anger or anything negative, be as honest as you can and say so. That will change the atmosphere pretty quickly. If what you want as well as sex is love, admit that to yourself. You don’t have to say it to your ex. Admit it to yourself, because real love is one of the few things more powerful than sex, and focusing on it will stop you from being pushed about by your hormones.

Love lasts longer than lust so wait for a better time when your hormones aren’t raging and then talk. If your ex doesn’t want to see you except when they want sex, then sex is all they want. That is a good reason for them being your ex.

If they want something more than sex, if they genuinely want you two to get back together, the big challenge for both of you is communicating honestly about what caused you to split up and taking responsibility for changing it. That takes time and patience and courage and clarity. Sexual hormones rushing round your bloodstream do not promote patience or clarity.

If sex happens, you’ll know the complications it causes so don’t add to them by beating yourself up. Forgive yourself, but remember what happened before the sex. Don’t get into that situation again. If it happened when you got drunk with your ex, it is not enough to avoid getting drunk with them. Avoid the situation that led to you getting drunk together. Don’t just avoid temptation, avoid the times and places where temptation hangs out.

“My Ex Is Playing Games”

There is a never-ending list of games that people play and tricks that people get up to.

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